sgrwck

A Record

  • A Letter

    A Letter

    I guess I owe some people an update. Or do I?

    “A Letter” – Samuel Gerweck (Written and recorded Summer 2024)

    A self imposed social media embargo has given me more clarity, focus, and motivation than I could have imagined, but I realize it’s also left me somewhat isolated given the nature of this social media driven world. In the last few years I have grown and changed so much as a person. Is this all because I don’t spend time looking at Instagram every day? No of course not, but the constant stream of information and points of comparison didn’t help!

    So what are the big developments over the last few years? 

    Well, to start, I have fallen deeply in love with a woman named Grace. She’s from Cincinnati (Ohio). We live in Durham (North Carolina). It’s such a gross cliche but she has truly brought out the best version of me. She’s kind. She’s patient. She is funny, beautiful, and cool headed. She’s shy, but she’s brave. She’s quiet, but she’s whip smart. She is meticulous, and neat, and she complements a lot of my shortcomings. 

    She’s going to be a great mom to our daughter who is due at the end of this month. We’re going to be great parents together.

    Alright, catch your breath.

    Moving on.

    We have two hounds – Olive, the big sister, a Greyhound who has been forced into assuming an alpha role that she does not quite have a grasp on, and Izzy, the puppy, an American Foxhound who is only a year younger than Olive on her birth certificate but will likely have the energy of a 2 year old until her time on this earth is up. Olive runs laps around the yard, Izzy buries her head in the dirt looking for moles. They’ve gotten pretty good at hunting down rabbits together. They’re both sweet to us and to each other, and I can’t wait for our daughter to grow up alongside them.

    My favorite weekend activity is getting moderately stoned and tinkering around outside. We have a big garden in our backyard that I’m really proud of. It’s a nice balance of chaotic and planned. Life imitates art imitates garden. I’ve thrown myself into something between carpentry and woodworking around the house. I still play music, though not as much as I’d like to. I fish. I go on a lot of walks. I got a cool old Raleigh Grand Prix from this vintage bike Robin Hood on Facebook Marketplace so I’ve been going on long rides when it isn’t 105 degrees. I cook a lot. I pace. I listen to Red Sox games on the radio when I can stomach it. I try to stay busy.

    Also, (Obama voice) let me be clear, just because I’m not on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok I’m not all of the sudden a Luddite. Like many, I’ve toyed with the idea of ditching the smart phone for good and returning to a flip, but I like having a nice camera, all my music, YouTube, X the Everything App formerly Twitter (my one social media fix), and a GPS on me at all times. I still browse Facebook occasionally and have a couple active group chats that help keep me sane. I watch a lot of movies and have grown to truly love it as an art form. I’ve stopped using streaming services, opting to host my media on my own server. It’s vastly improved my relationship with film and music over the last few years. 

    Alright we’ve entered the rambly phase, let’s bring this plane in to land. I’ll write more later. (I said that in June of 2024 too, ha ha ha, ho ho ho)

    Grace and I have kept saying to ourselves how important it is that we don’t lose who we were before we were parents. I remember soon after we found out that we were going to be having a baby, I was driving home from an errand and I was listening to the new Father John Misty album, the title track “Mahashmashana”.

    At the climax, I broke down into full fledged tears. I pulled over. I got myself together slightly, and sat in silence trying to pinpoint what triggered that. My first thought was, “You’re not going to be able to drive around listening to music at full blast at night anymore” but that wasn’t it. Because I’ll always do that. That led me to realize is soon I’ll be doing it with the most important person in my entire life, and I haven’t even met them yet. What a beautifully overwhelming thought.

    I’m not losing myself. I’m gaining a new, integral part. A lifelong commitment, a human being that I will do my best – alongside Grace – to make sure is as good a person as they can be. That will love life, and love themselves, and love the earth and all the people and critters on it, and find those moments to cry at a good song. I can’t wait. 

    I’m still here. My number hasn’t changed but I have a bit. That’s a good thing. I hope you all have too. Reach out whenever. I’ll try to be better at doing the same.

    Love to all.

  • Beginning

    Why am I here? That’s a big question that I’ll give a small answer to.

    If “here” is wordpress, it’s to keep a record. I stopped using Instagram with any regularity a couple years ago and I have noticed marked improvements in my mental health, my technological habits, my ability to experience a thing for the sole purpose of experiencing it. I’ve gone to so many concerts and not even taken my phone out once. I really love that, and I don’t think the existence of this blog will change that habit. I hope not at least.

    I do miss the record, though. The archive. I still take pictures of things I do, things I’m proud of, things I love. I don’t want those to stay in my phone’s photo album or on the cloud or in the occasional “here’s what I’m up to this weekend” message I remember to send my mom via text. I’d like to have a little place I can make these things more “public” without the inherent guilt I’ve felt around the vanity of Traditional Social Media. If people want to see this, I’ll let them know where to find it. They can look as often or as little as they want, and there is no reliance on an algorithm to get it on their feeds. There aren’t likes, or shares, or views, whatever. Look if you want.

    Truthfully, it’s for me more than anything. I’d like whatever this is to exist as a place to journal, to share any creative outlets, to show progress on various projects. I believe that our perception of how to exist online has been so warped in the aftermath of the creation of Facebook/Twitter/Instagram. The Feeds. My response to that feeling has been to revert to a near zero impact, but I’ve realized I need to rediscover that pre-social media era. I’m a RETVRN guy for blogs now, I guess.

    Anyway, this is rambly. This is all gonna be rambly.